Comments on: Nearly impossible to believe someone can be this dense

By: xdadxdad

xdadxdad — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 10:50:17 +0000

I actually read the whole post. Let’s read the pertinent part together:

And here’s more I know from both statistics and first-hand experience: It’s nearly impossible to keep a marriage together with a special needs kid. And it’s nearly impossible to keep a marriage together when the husband quits his job to take care of the kids.

It’s pretty clear to me she’s saying that the simple existence of a special needs child = marriage doom, and that any sliver of possibility of that marriage surviving all but evaporates if the husband quits his job to be the at-home parent.

By: Steve C

Steve C — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 04:42:12 +0000

Did you actually read the whole posting? I think you missed the point about what Penelope was saying. I don’t think Penelope was talking about the expected outcome of any marriage with special needs children, but rather the probable outcome of a marriage with special needs children where one of the partners can no longer be an active parent.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 02:09:44 +0000

19 years and 3 children affected….hmmm…looks like we’ve made it :-)

By: Eric Ogunbase

Eric Ogunbase — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 23:45:43 +0000

Penelope needs to realize that it wasn’t the special needs children that led to her divorce. Perhaps it’s the fact that she’s married to her job? Could that have driven a wedge into her marriage?

Then she has the nerve to call out Sarah Palin for working instead of putting her children’s needs first? Hello pot. Meet kettle.

By: fragilemom

fragilemom — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 04:56:57 +0000

P.S. I really am truly sorry for those marriages that don’t make it. I know it didn’t sound like it in my entry….just something close to my heart. I didn’t mean to sound heartless.

By: fragilemom

fragilemom — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 04:54:21 +0000

Well, whatever statistics quoted, sounds sad to live that way. I personally think statistics are what ruins us. Having 3 children with special needs, I can without a doubt say that my husband and I are more ‘for’ each other today than ever. You learn a new kind of strength…either you do it or you don’t. Face it, life’s hard all the way around. Many people take the ‘easy’ way out, only to find out it wasn’t that easy. It takes way more maturity to stick it out, be humble, have grace, and think of someone besides yourself.

Thanks for posting this one, X-Dad!

By: Penelope Trunk

Penelope Trunk — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 15:25:06 +0000

The statistics I linked to in my blog post were not about all special needs kids. The marriage statistics are about kids with autism.

Penelope

By: Bethany

Bethany — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 21:55:09 +0000

I don’t think having a special needs child makes it “nearly impossible” to stay married. My marriage has definitely had it’s ups and downs, what marriage doesn’t. My husband and I do argue a lot about discipline, we have very different views. I’m all for anything but spanking, he thinks a good spanking is best for misbehavior. I prefer trying behavior modification techniques and reward charts or whatever else I can think up.

By: FXSmom

FXSmom — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 18:51:59 +0000

I’m on my 3rd marriage. If I thought it was doomed from the get go I wouldn’t have kept trying. My fraggles have strengthened my current marriage. We don’t sweat the small stuff. And we team up on the big stuff. I just needed to find someone who was mature enough to handle the “culture” of special needs kids. Too many look at statistics and not at individuals. Like Umma says…we are all unique.

By: Nino

Nino — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:23:38 +0000

Well put.